Thank You For Being An Idiot
by So Beyond Crazy
Summary: I mean, had he not been so convincingly "unconscious", the kunoichi probably wouldn't have stopped to heal him, right? /Reposted by Request!/
1. Thank You

**AN: So, long ago I posted this story- and when I left I took it down with all my others. By a recent request, I am putting this one back up. So, sorry for the repost (to those of you who recognize it)! The rest of the chapters for this story will be up later today, as I have yet to find them, and I'll probably have to correct a few errors before posting them again.**

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><p>He was a terrific actor. Really, Jashin should be fucking proud of his spectacular thespian skills.<p>

I mean, had he not been so convincingly "unconscious", the kunoichi probably wouldn't have stopped to heal him, right?

Lost in his silent gloating, the young man was brought back to reality by the brush of her hands over his bare torso. He carefully cracked one eye open, a deep violet slit just barely visible beneath fair, silver lashes. He had to repress his urge to frown, internally reminding himself that to do so would blow his cover.

With his face pressed into the ground all he could make out was the dead, yellow grass and her dark boots. Not the best position to be in to spy on her, he decided, not when he couldn't even see her face. And, well, that was just plain shitty, because he wanted to see the bitch that was just so kind as to save his ass.

It was almost as if she had read his mind, for suddenly her chakra stopped flowing and he was cut off. Remaining perfectly limp, he kept up his unconscious façade as her hands gripped his shoulders. As she adjusted him to lie on his back, he cracked one of his eyes open a bit more. In that brief moment, he stared at her while she was too distracted to notice.

First thing he noticed: pink hair. He resisted the urge to vomit, noting that it was probably one of the weirdest fucking things he had ever seen. Seriously, who the hell would walk around with pink hair? Shit, if his hair had been pink, he would have sacrificed himself long ago. Ignoring her hair for a moment, something metallic caught his eye. He was lucky she was too preoccupied to notice his eyes widen, shock evident in the dark purple irises.

Oh shit! That headband, he recognized it, no way could he forget it. He closed his eyes quickly, resuming his playing-possum. He had no luck with the ninja of that village that was for sure.

Extra careful not to move on his own, he concentrated on keeping his chakra levels normal. If she thought he was awake…

He was distracted again as he felt her hands press up gently against his bare torso. It felt nice, the way her warm chakra coursed through his body, finding all of his injuries and targeting them. If only he healed this quickly naturally. Not that there was anything natural to him, honestly. Fighting back a relaxed sigh, he remained unresponsive, careful to not move his body.

It was pretty fucking nice of her, healing him like this. Extremely idiotic, but brave to, he supposed. Confident with his amazing acting skills, the Jashinist took note of her obvious fear. The way her hands shook, he was surprised that she was even able to heal him. Then again, she was healing him rather quickly, almost haphazardly really (even he knew better than to complain at a time like this). He was mildly disappointed that she didn't seem afraid of him, but he justified that it was only because she didn't know who he was. Yeah, that had to be it; otherwise she would have been crying her pansy-ass heart out!

She must have realized that she shouldn't be caught healing someone like him, with his scratched out headband and oh-so-obvious shinobi build. Really, she was risking so much right now; she would be tried for disloyalty if she was caught by her village. Hidan felt a little touched, or some other soft, gooey emotion associated with it. He wasn't sure, exactly. Sissy emotions weren't really his strong suit.

He'd have to thank her somehow…well, ok, he already knew exactly how he'd thank her. He'd thank her the same way he thanked anyone who had ever helped him out: first he'd bleed her until she was nothing but a shriveled shell, and then he'd sacrifice her to Jashin. Feeling very giddy at the notion, he almost couldn't wait to kill her. He would do such a nice ritual for the bitch; it was the least he could do to repay her.

If only his chakra hadn't been so low, then maybe neither of them would have had to be in this fucked up situation. Maybe he wouldn't have needed her help, and maybe all this could have just been avoided. But no, it was far too late for her. She was doomed, the moment she put her hands on him she was destined to be a sacrifice. This revelation alone almost brought a smile to Hidan's face, and inwardly he praised Jashin for his good luck.

He returned to focusing on his chakra levels, carefully measuring his reserves. Just a little bit more...he just needed a little more chakra pumped into his system, and then he'd be strong enough to-

Her hands moved away, and suddenly the warmth of her chakra was dissipating from his body. He felt her stir beside him, and knew she was standing. Her boots scuffed the earth as she turned and walked away. Hidan sulked silently, almost destroying his unconscious façade. Why the hell has she stopped?

It was almost as if she had guessed his intentions, almost as if she knew he-

"I know you're awake, asshole."

Well shit, he hadn't seen that coming.

His purple eyes snapped open instantly, his expression horrified, expecting the worst. He quickly looked over to where she was, but…he was alone. He gapped, too stunned to move. The field was completely empty, save him, and his eyes narrowed sharply as the realization. So that bitch thought she could just save his life and disappear like it never happened? His scowl quickly turned into a self-righteous smirk. Oh, she obviously had _no fucking clue_ who he was.

His gaze flitted skyward, staring up at the darkened, gray clouds. A storm was heading his way, and he knew he should probably look for shelter before it started to rain. Still, it was several minutes before he even moved to get up, and during that time his cocky grin never faded.

He would have to pay her a visit,- it'd be rude not to thank her.


	2. It Was A Bad Idea

She knew it had been a bad idea. Hell, right now she was pretty sure that it had been the most idiotic thing she's ever done. Even dumber than that time she had drunkenly agreed to open up a ramen shop with Naruto.

…

Actually no, _that _would forever go down in history as her dumbest moment. But saving him, yeah, that was pretty much a close second.

Really, if she could have gone back in time, before any of this whole mess had started, she would have smacked herself in the face. _Hard._

At that thought she glanced across at him, her brilliant green eyes locking with his haughty, violet gaze, and her mouth set into a thin line.

'Repeatedly', she made an additional mental note. She would have smacked herself, hard and repeatedly, until she was bloody and unconscious, or dead…Whatever came first.

Well, maybe that was going a little far- being dead wouldn't really help her current situation either. She just really (_really!)_ wished she had merely left him lying there.

A pity it was a tad too late for such regrets. Because no matter what she could have done, or should have done, the fact remained that she had healed him.

An obvious mistake, she realized bitterly, her eyes locked securely on the scowling, silver-haired man. He was obviously ticked off, his peevish glare centered in on her. She felt a little outraged by the look he was giving her, and for a moment she felt tempted to scream out 'WHAT?' Really, he had no right to glare at her like that. She had saved his life! And that was what, like two weeks ago? How could he have forgotten that so quickly? And how much would it kill the bastard to show a little bit of gratitude?

But as the silver-haired man shifted slightly, altering his stance and taking a small step forward with narrowed, angry eyes, she realized that gratitude might be the farthest thought from his mind. She felt her body tense up, her fists balling in preparation. If this came down to a fight she was ready, though honestly she couldn't understand why he was so angry. Especially with the girl who had saved him-

"Do you have any fucking idea how long it took to find you, bitch?"

Ahh, she could hazard a guess as to why now. Still, the 'bitch' comment wasn't overlooked, and her eyes settled into an icy glare. She felt for a moment that she was dealing with Sai, who needed a few good lessons in respect on a weekly basis, and she prepared to cuss the silver-haired man out. Opening her mouth she took a step forward…

…and then she was pinned against a tree. Blinking in shock, she had assumed the man's bulk would have made him slower, but evidently she was wrong. The flexing tendons in his bare arm shifted as he pressed her more firmly against the bark, his hand wrapped securely around her neck. Trying to struggle, she registered that her feet only barely grazed the ground, just as she realized that he was taller than he had first appeared.

She tried to muster chakra to her hand to punch, to scratch, anything she could to fight back. His grip was so tight, however, she could already feel the bruises forming, and she couldn't breathe. Her hands moved to wrap around his wrist, but she was unable to focus the chakra needed to break it. She thought she might be losing consciousness, but it was hard for her to think in this position. Her green eyes flickered to the man holding her so tightly, and she thought he looked amused with her struggle, his eyes alight with some devious pleasure. Maybe it was her imagination, slowly suffocating did strange things to you, but she could have sworn she heard him chuckle.

Regardless her eyes snapped in his direction, glaring and cold despite her desperation to retain oxygen. A long string of black curses filled her mind, but she couldn't verbalize a single one. His grin widened a bit, and his next comment caught her off-guard.

"You're kind of hot when you're pissy."

Yep, definitely losing consciousness, she decided. Because what she had just heard him say _obviously_ wasn't right. He wouldn't have dared to say that, especially not to her, especially not now. She was completely imagining things. No other possible explanation for it-

She was jolted into reality as his arm flexed and he hoisted her up a little higher. Her back was dragged against the tree's bark painfully, but she was too focused on trying to breathe to really notice. She vaguely registered that she was now eye level with him, though she became more aware of the fact as he stepped in even closer. Her eyes widened dramatically as his smirk widened.

Shit! Shit! Shit! This was it! He was going to kill her! She would never see her village again, or yell at Sai, or tell Naruto that…

…and then Hidan was kissing her.

She froze. The kiss may have only lasted for a few seconds, but no way in hell was it chaste. His mouth was hard and demanding on hers, his tongue forceful as it ran along her lower lip. He may have pondered ramming his tongue down her throat, something Sakura probably wouldn't have appreciated, but he seemed to decide against it. Before she could gather enough sense to react he was done and pulling away. Her face was frozen in pure shock. She opened and closed her mouth, but no sounds came out as he stared at her.

"Thanks bitch." He grinned broadly, looking every bit the maniac she knew he was. He suddenly released his hold on her, and she hit the ground, back still pressed to the tree. Still grinning, he stepped back and performed a few hand seals, all the while maintaining eye contact with her. Raising an eyebrow suggestively he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Sakura sank down onto the ground until she was sitting, her jaw gaping and her eyes wide.

Several moments later all the birds in the area were startled into flight as a single cry rang through the crisp autumn air,

"WHAT THE **_HELL_**?"


	3. Never Share A Room

"HELL NO!"

His dark purple eyes narrowed at the tone in her voice, and he resisted the _rather strong_ urge to just destroy the entire room.. Taking in the girl who stood, arms crossed and posture rigid, at the opposite end of the room, he seriously contemplated just annihilating everyone in this damn hotel. Seriously, just tear the whole fucking place and everyone in it to shreds. It was pretty much his weekly routine, anyways.

Sighing irritably, he ran a hand through his silver hair for what may have been the seventh time in the last three minutes. Seriously, could she yell any fucking louder? Didn't she know that normal people usually liked to sleep at 2-in-the-fucking-morning? The pink-haired freak was being such a pain in the ass right now, and he was sorely tempted to just tie her up and/or sacrifice her.

…

He wasn't entirely sure which idea held more appeal at the moment; he just prayed that Jashin would grant him patience. Right now, all Hidan wanted to do was sleep, or screw, but sadly the kunoichi seemed opposed to both. Go figure.

He had no clue why she was being so uptight. So he had "innocently" suggested that they share a bed, was the idea really **THAT** offensive?

Judging by her affronted expression and the painfully high pitch of her voice- yes, yes it was. Hell, he might as well have suggested they go eat babies or some shit. But Hidan was determined (read: idiotic), and as he held her gaze, he decided that he would try again. Up until this point, all his dogged attempts to rectify the situation, he had been trying for the past ten minutes now, had only made things worse- if the volume of her protests were any testament to that. But what could be the harm in giving it one more go?

"Aww, come on bitch, you know it'll be fun!"

Somehow, his cheerful tone didn't seem to help the situation, and his cheeky grin was only making things worse. He watched, both annoyed and amused, as her expression went from insulted to downright homicidal. He took vague notice of the vein throbbing in her head, and knew that he was in for it. Not that he minded, of course.

"I swear, if you call me bitch one more time I will rip out your clavicle!"

"Oh, I could so get into that…" Alright, so maybe that was a deliberate jab, and maybe it wouldn't help his cause, but it was entertaining as hell to provoke her- and judging by her flustered state, she was reaching her breaking point.

Raising a brow, his eyes suggested all sorts of indecent things. When that got no response he ran his tongue over his upper lip, slowly. That seemed to break her trance, and she looked even angrier than before, if that was at all possible, her face a shade that was pretty close to her hair color.

"Just,..just stay on your side of the room!" The kunoichi stuttered, earning a snort of contempt from him, his breath turning white on the air. What that really the best she could do? Obviously he wouldn't follow a single order she gave him, hadn't he made that obvious? Besides, even if he had been in a semi-compliant mood (it'd be a first), the room was way too small for any of that pansy-ass gentleman shit. To stay on "his half" of the room would mean she got the bed- the only bed. No way in hell would he be sleeping on the floor!

So really, there was only one way for this to go down.

Jauntily, he moved towards the bed, noting with poorly-hidden amusement how she stiffened and pressed up against the wall. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes; the damn bitch had a serious hypocrisy problem. Here she was, acting uncomfortable and afraid at the mere prospect of being in a room with him, when really, he should be the one afraid (not that he felt fear). She had threatened him at _least_ seven more times than he had threatened her (not including non-verbal threats), so as far as he saw it, she had no fucking right to act like this.

Ignoring her entirely, he turned to the bed and plopped down unceremoniously. He propped himself up on his elbows, glancing down at the bed. He was pleasantly surprised that the bed didn't give out beneath him, considering what a dive this shit-hole was. At least stopping at the inn hadn't been a total waste.

Satisfied, he looked up again, smirking as the kunoichi flinched against the wall, as if trying to bury herself within it- anything to increase the distance between them. Well, she better prepare herself, because he was ready to resume his spat with the leaf nin. Offering a lecherous grin, he beckoned her over.

"The bed's a little shitty, but I think it'll do just fine."

"…" No response, though her face did turn a darker shade of red. She was starting to look like a tomato, not a very flattering look for her. Hidan frowned, having anticipated a more violent reaction. Resolute, he persisted.

"You gonna come join me?"

"NO!"

"Aww, _please_?"

"…"

Psh, who ever said manners worked was a fucking idiot. Frustrated, in more ways than one, he laid back down, head falling onto an over-stuffed pillow. Snatching up the blanket and pulling it over his bare torso, he scowled, not even bothering to look at her. Whatever problems she had, he didn't give a damn. He was tired and he sure as hell wasn't going to waste any more time trying to reason with her. If she wanted to freeze to death, that was her choice.

Still, he had to have one final jab.

"Fine. Sleep on the fucking floor! Judging by the smell, I'm pretty sure someone's pissed all over it!"

"…"

"-and don't even tell me you can't smell that shit!" Jab number two. Following his statement he grumbled unintelligibly, knowing that he was right. In fact it wasn't just the floor, this whole place smelled like piss, but he tried not to think about it. The silence in the room was magnified by the snow falling outside the single, grimy window; beyond that everything was black.

He was shocked when the bed shifted, signaling that another body was also now on the mattress. Feeling her lay down beside him, he wondered if he should be worried. His thoughts didn't change as she tore, _literally tore_, half the blankets away from him. Curious, and bored, he decided to question her motives for this new development.

"…just stay on your side." Her voice made him shut his mouth, and he recognized that she sounded exhausted. His mouth widened into a smirk as he realized that his argument had won.

Hidan:1. Pink-haired bitch: 0.

Unable to resist, he yawned innocently, commenting in an offhand voice,

"Yeah, yeah, jeez…but you know, I'm a big guy…So if in the night I was to move around or something-"

"If you even think about trying to molest me again-" She warned.

"When the fuck did I molest you?" Hidan narrowed his eyes, racking his memory. No, he hadn't… He definitely would have remembered doing something like that… she had to be bluffing.

"When you kissed me!"

"…" Oh that, he dismissed her complaint, rolling his dark eyes. Really, what a fucking prude! She was acting like he had inflicted some horrific trauma on her- leaf nin were such weak-hearted pansies. Deciding he was too exhausted to continue his fight with her, he sighed in resignation, muttering under his breath,

"Whatever. You know you fucking liked it."

"_WHAT_?" Her voice was a threatening whisper, her tone holding a decidingly icy tint. Hidan's eyes widened as he realized his mistake, too late. He stumbled for a cover,

"I, uh… this place smells like fucking shit…?" He waited, holding his breath.

"…That better be what you said." He was safe, for now, but he grumbled none-the-less.

"It is! it is! Damn it!"


	4. A Pile Of Sawdust

His hand gripped the back of her head, tugging at her pink hair and forcing the kiss into something much more aggressive. His other hand had seized her wrist, deftly pulling her into his lap. She barely registered that she was now straddling him, though in the very back of her mind words like "sneaky" and "bastard" kept springing up.

Still, those rogue words did nothing to rectify the situation, even as Hidan's hand released her wrist. Probably because that hand had moved down to massage her thigh.

The silver-haired shinobi tilted his head at that point, forcing his tongue into her mouth (practically ramming it down her throat, really), and she struggled to maintain coherent thought. Her hands moved to his shoulders, grip tightening as he bit down on her lip. '_Screw coherent thought'_, she decided, '_screw thinking about anything at-'_

He withdrew from her mouth, and the groan she released conveyed her displeasure- not that she would ever admit to it. Hell, he was an annoying prick, and nothing he did could change that.

His mouth started making a hot trail along her neck, and her inner tirade was cut short. She stifled a moan, but didn't fight him as he pushed her head back to reveal more of her neck, loosening her shirt in the process.

The hand that had been massaging her thigh was now sliding along it, fingers ghosting across her pale skin. Receiving no resistance from the kunoichi above him, he wasted no time in getting his hand up her skirt. He captured her mouth again in a searing kiss, biting down on her lip and sucking before he went back to having his tongue wrestle with hers.

He groaned against her lips, obviously displeased to find that she was wearing her customary shorts underneath. Never one to be discouraged, his fingers latched onto the taut, black material. Never breaking the heated kiss he began to tug the fabric down, and she was too overwhelmed to care.

"SAKURA-CHAN!"

They both flinched, Sakura's bottle green eyes snapping open. Her head jerked up, breaking the kiss, as she recognized the voice behind the door. She both heard and felt Hidan groan beneath her, his head dropping back to land on the armrest. No doubt _livid _at the interruption, his muttered curses were barely audible even from her position above him.

It was then that she became all too aware of what she'd been doing. What they'd been doing. She was suddenly feeling quite nauseous, and the fact that his hand was **_still_** pulling her shorts down really wasn't helping the situation. Her face instantly turned a shade that rivaled her shirt.

_Oh, shit!_

Mortified, she pushed her palms flat against Hidan's bare chest (when had he taken his shirt off?), nearly tripping over his legs as she pulled herself out of his grasp. She stumbled ungracefully, while the silver-haired shinobi sat and ran a hand through his slightly tousled hair.

"Fucking damn it!" Choosing to ignore his rather articulate language, she turned to him as he stood, hissing through clenched teeth. "Get out of here!"

Hidan glanced down at her, his eyes widening in disbelief, then defiance.

"Seriously? I swore we were gonna-" Oh, no way in hell was she going to let him finish that thought.

"GET OUT!" He back-stepped slightly, and you might even say there was fear in his eyes as he stared at the violent kunoichi. He covered quickly however, scowling angrily and spitting,

"Pah, indecisive bitch!"

And before she could hit him, or kiss him, or strangle him, he was gone, out the window and out of sight.

…

"SAKURA-CHAN! ARE YOU HOME?" There was a pounding at the door, but for the moment she ignored it.

She sagged against the wall, gasping in relief; no one had seen anything! She was safe!

She rested her hand on her chest, trying to ease the rapid beating that emanated from it. Sighing, she pushed off the wall, calming herself as she headed towards the door- where the frantic knocking continued.

"SAKURA-CHAN OPEN UP! I HAVE TO PEE!"

Half-way there she happened to glance into a mirror, visibly blanching at the sight. She seized the table before it, staring at her image in shock. She looked as if she'd been assaulted by a wild animal, which was a lot closer to the truth than she would have cared to admit.

She quickly adjusted her clothes (when had her bra clasp come undone?) and ran her fingers through her hair, desperately trying to make herself somewhat presentable. Staring back in the mirror, she smiled, feeling satisfied. It was then that something dark caught her eye. Frowning slightly, her eyes narrowed as she leaned forward on the table, one hand bracing her as the other went to her neck. Pushing her collar aside-

-the hand gripping the table quickly turned said piece of furniture into a pile of sawdust. A vein throbbed on her forehead as she shrieked in indignation.

When had the fucker given her a hickey?

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><p><strong>AN: Well, there it is. :3 **

**This is where I left off with it. Originally this had been a one-shot that gained several sequels, then I ended up making it into one story. Again, this was brought back by request. If anyone else knows my wor, and wants me to re-post one of my crack-stories feel free to just send me a message! **


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